


SEX MACHINE

by elletromil



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Humor, M/M, Off-screen mentions of spanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-12
Updated: 2015-09-12
Packaged: 2018-04-20 10:11:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4783562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elletromil/pseuds/elletromil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Come on Harry! The only reason I cannot say we literally spent a week fucking in bed is because you’re too much of a gentleman to have let me starve and you have a nearly unhealthy obsession with shower sex.”</p><p>Or in which Harry receives a somewhat inappropriate gift from Eggsy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	SEX MACHINE

**Author's Note:**

> I asked for prompts a couple of days ago and this is the first I've answered yet.
> 
> The prompt was "For a prompt! Hartwin - Eggsy gave Harry a supersized shirt with the words SEX MACHINE as a joke. Harry uses it one time as a sleepshirt. Naturally that is that one time that someone tries to kill the Queen and Kingsman needs his Arthur ASAP in the HQ. Merlin and the other knights see him in his shirt and so Harry gets his new nickname. (This could also totally be Percilot or Roxlin or maybe it includes everything but please no Merhartwin.)" and it was great fun to write it.
> 
> I hope you like it.
> 
> This one is unbeta'd so any mistakes are my own

“Eggsy, what is this?” Harry’s distaste at the item he was currently looking at was clear in his voice.

“It’s a gift,” the younger man answered, trying his best to look innocent, but there was a glint in his eyes that quite ruined the effect. “I thought it was appropriate.”

“Why in Heaven’s name would you think it’s even remotely appropriate?” He finally removed the shirt from its box, shaking it at his lover to emphasize his point.

“Well maybe not appropriate, but you can’t deny it’s the truth!”

The eyebrow Harry raised at Eggsy seemed to imply that yes, yes he could deny it and probably would.

“Come on Harry! The only reason I cannot say we _literally_ spent a week fucking in bed is because you’re too much of a gentleman to have let me starve and you have a nearly unhealthy obsession with shower sex.”

Harry was too old to feel any shame at his more than respectable sex drive and anyway, the dreamy look that set upon Eggsy’s features when he lost himself in the remembrance of that particular week right after Harry had been cleared for all _exerting activities_ proved the boy was far from complaining.

Unfortunately, no matter how loathsome it was for Harry to admit it, his lover did mark a point in favor of the “truthfulness” of what his gift advertised.

He sighed in defeat, before folding the shirt so that the words would not be so easily seen and Eggsy snickered in victory, knowing it could only mean the shirt would make its way into the dresser.

“Gloat however much you want,” Harry told him with a narrowed look, “I’m still never wearing it.”

“Whatever you say… Sex Machine.”

The sight of Eggsy’s cheeky smile made him wonder, not for the first time, if the boy would be amenable to a good spanking.

He certainly deserved one.

***

When both their Kingsman issued phones started ringing nearly at the same time at arse o’clock in the morning, for once Eggsy didn’t groan grumpily at being woken up. Had it been only his own phone, it would have meant a mission and leaving the comfort of his lover’s arms. Had it been only Harry’s, then it would have meant some important Arthur business and losing his personal heater for the rest of the night.

Both could only mean it was an emergency, which was only confirmed when he answered only to be told by someone he could only guess was an handler that he needed to go to the shop. _Now_. Then the call disconnected and when he looked over at Harry, the older man had a worried frown on his face, even if he was still on the phone with whoever had called him.

“We’ll be there as soon as we can. In the meantime do what you think is best. You know I trust your judgment completely Merlin.”

They had both gotten up by now, Eggsy finally finding some pants and going toward the closet to get a suit, only to be stop when Harry threw him the jeans he had been wearing earlier in the day.

“No time for this right now, we’ll change at the shop if it comes to this.”

Shit. If there was no time to don a suit, things could only be royally fucked.

Still he nearly told Harry to at least changed out of the shirt he had been sleeping in, but the man was already out of the bedroom, expertly putting on his trouser while walking briskly without tripping, a skill Eggsy had yet to master.

Eggsy shook his head, looking around for a top of his own to wear, only distantly realising midway down the stairs the he had took one of Harry’s dress shirt when he start buttoning it up and it still hang very loosely around his shoulders.

Well, there was no time for that either, especially not when Harry was already offering him his coat.

*

It was rather comforting when they got to the shop to find out they had not been the only ones that had been caught unaware, judging by how no one except Merlin seemed to be dressed properly. Even Roxy still got her pajama bottom on and Eggsy would swear he’s seen her too big sweater on Merlin before.

A least, it would have been comforting, if the number of Knights currently present in the same building did not mean things were horribly dire.

And indeed they were, considering that the Queen, among others, had been kidnapped and there had been bomb threats issued simultaneously. Whoever could pull off something like this was not to be trifled with.

But neither was Kingsman, no matter how unprepared to such a situation they had been.

Soon Merlin was ordering every Knight around while Harry was busy establishing liaison with any other major agency that would have been called in to deal with the situation.

It was a testament of their professionalism that even though some of the Knights raised an eyebrow when Harry finally took off his coat, they all elected not to say anything concerning his choice in clothes. At least not in his face, not right now.

*

“So I guess you both were too much in a hurry and you both grab the other’s shirt?” Percival wondered out loud as him and Eggsy were quickly changing into something that would be more practical to find the bomb that is supposedly in the tube.

“Oh no, the shirt is Harry’s. Well both are, because of course this is not mine.” He answered while waving at the discarded dress shirt.

Percival froze for a moment to process the information, before he snickered. Realizing what he had revealed, and to whom, Eggsy cursed darkly. Percival might seem like an innocent cherub, but he took great delight in not so gently teasing others.

Harry could of course give as good as he got, but he would be crossed with Eggsy for giving ammunition to Percival.

Oh well, Eggsy would simply have to do some groveling and he already had some ideas about what would endear him to Harry again.

***

“So what, you’ll spank me every time someone calls you by your new code name?” Eggsy asked once his breathing had calmed down somewhat, looking over at Harry lying on his back beside him, his lover looking very smug with himself. Which he had all right to be after the mind-blowing orgasm he had given Eggsy.

Who knew that a little spanking beforehand would bring such an edge to their night? Not Eggsy, that was for sure, but he was very glad Harry had not shied away from proposing it.

“It’s hardly my new code name,” Harry replied, the exasperation he tried to convey with his tone hindered with how fondly he was looking at Eggsy, the boy still sprawled on his stomach. “And I don’t think you would appreciate being spanked every night.”

Because they both knew Percival referring to Harry as ‘Sex Machine’ at the end of their debriefing after they had defused all the bombs and find all of the kidnapping victims, was only the first time he would say it. And, judging by the snickering around the table, it was a fair bet to think he would not be the only Knight who would start calling their King like this.

“Yeah… Probably not.” Because even though it had been ten different kind of awesome, Eggsy could not say it was something he would want to repeat soon. He liked kinky stuff alright, much as Harry, but he would choose a good plain old shag more often than not. “Still, you should really consider it. ‘Sex Machine’ has a great ring to it… Much less stuffy than ‘Arthur’.”

He yelped when Harry dragged him unceremoniously on top of him. “I’ll show you stuffy,” was growled against his lips before they were taken in a heated kiss.

Eggsy was too busy playing with Harry’s tongue to snort, but seriously, the man really made it hard to refute his new title.


End file.
